Two Great Cities
Becoming a student has given me the oppertunity of living in two cities at the some time. Denizli and Istanbul. Living in each city has let me see many differences between two both, but there three main contrast between them, which are population, work found posibility and environment conditional.
Usually the first difference that all people see is population. Istanbul population bigger than Denizli. Namely, population situation too much effect in city. Population increase change people life. This change is first education life. So, population too much increase very bad a reason. For example, Istanbul very big city and quickly increase population every day. This situation is negative effect for Istanbul. But, Denizli isn’t similary this situation.
Another great difference is work found posibility. This posibility, city is position change show. Namely, Istanbul found work very hard. People is lower standard of living but, Denizli isn’t similary situation. Istanbul having no work proportion while increase Denizli a few this proportion.
Although the last different environment conditional. Firstly, environmental pollution. This pollution effect more big city. Second, the air pollution are examples. Air pollution more effect industry and big city. For example, Istanbul is very big and industry city. This pollution bigger than Denizli. Because Denizli is smaller Istanbul. So, in Istanbul too environment pollution.
Cities are with location of similar factors. If you are live in the big city, big problems great. But, small city own some problems. We are with awareness. Because, we are awareness this problems are a smaller problem and we less effect.
you can use "job opportunities" instead of work found posibility
YanıtlaSilin your first body paragraph, you only talk
This posibility, city is position change show?? what does this mean?
people have lower life standards, but the condition is not similar in denizli.
what is the use of "although" in your third body? do you need it?
your third body paragraph seems a little bit complicated.
your conclusion doesnt seem to be very suitable with your essay. mention your three differences in your conclusion paragraph.
your paragraphs don't flow smoothly, the sentences dont seem to be in order.
try to pay attention to your sentence structures, word order, grammar etc more.
We were write this essay in the school, 2 week ago. I write too, and ı like this essay :D
YanıtlaSilGood vocabulary, you used to phrases words and grammer is well done compared with me:D good luck
Maybe you give a lot of example but your essay unit is beautiful:)
YanıtlaSilyour thesis statement is very good,but you can increase your content.
YanıtlaSil